Love
by ILoveEclareForever
Summary: Clare's view on love after she's had her heart broken. Kinda inspired, I guess, by Last Kiss by Taylor Swift.
1. Chapter 1

Love.

I know what love is.

I grew up around it.

I've seen it in movies, read about it in books, and even have seen it with my older sister and her boyfriend and with my parents.

I know what love is.

But I've never felt it.

I love my family.

I want to be _in_ love.

All the songs I've heard don't make sense to me. All the people don't make sense.

I feel like I'm surrounded by love, but it hasn't found me yet.

I met a great guy freshman year, with the potential to make me love him. Just as our relationship was good, he left me for a blonde cheerleader.

Last year, I swore I fell in love. The dark, mysterious boy dressed in black stole my heart. Too bad that just as I thought I loved him, he left me.

Every time that I've seen love on the horizon, I've had my heart smashed.

I'm incapable of feeling anything anymore.

I can't find love.

It has to find me...

And I'm pretty sure it has stopped looking.

My older sister fell in love when she was young.

I'm sixteen and I'm still waiting and waiting.

Love.

It has the power to break, to heal, and to scar you.

It can burn you and leave you in pieces.

It isn't love's fault.

It's yours, for falling for the stupid tricks of the stupid boys.

You silly naive little girl.

You won't find love.

You can say you aren't pretty enough.

You can say that you're scared.

You can say that you're broken.

But I promise you that love will find you.

Love hasn't found me, poor little Clare Edwards.

I haven't given up hope.

I've been broken, but, hey, who hasn't?

Being in love means that you've finally found someone that understands every little aspect of you, even though you are the weirdest person on the world in their eyes.

You will always be beautiful to them, even when you're sick.

They will always care about you, even if you've given up on them.

Love is like finding another part of yourself.

You feel complete before you find it, but when you do, you realize that there's something new inside of you.

You realize that you've been missing a part of you your whole life.

You can't breathe.

You shake.

All you see is them.

You're in love.

All I want is for love to find me.

They don't know how much they scarred me when they left.

I trusted them with my heart and they broke it.

I miss the way Eli used to kiss me while I was in the middle of talking.

If he made a promise that he would never leave me... Why did he?

I cried.

I cried every night for three months.

I didn't want him to leave.

He broke me beyond repair.

I need someone new.

I need to be in love.

I need to forget about Eli.

I need something real now.

I need someone to help me.

Now I sit on the floor of my room wearing Eli's shirts that he didn't bother to come back to get.

I feel like it's the only thing of him I have left.

Why did he leave?

As much as I try to forget about him, I... Can't.

I stare at pictures of us.

I was happy.

Do you see what you did to me?

Eli, you really messed me up.

If you knew me now, you would know how much you broke me.

I'm not the same person I was when we were together.

I'm crazy, Eli.

You broke my heart.

Maybe I did love you.

That's why I feel this way, still a year later.

Love didn't make my stomach flip with you.

It broke my heart.

Here I am again.

I'm watching you across the room.

You ignore me like we never met before.

You act like you didn't love me.

Maybe you didn't...

I swallow the lump in my throat and force the tears back.

Eli, I think I loved you.

Why did we end?

You look at me, broken little Clare, and look away as fast as you can.

You know you broke me.

WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME?

Eli, I need your help.

I need to get over you.

Love.

It broke me forever.

It fucked me up beyond repair.

I'm not giving up hope though.

Love.

.

.

**Reviews are cool.**

**It takes two seconds ;)**

**Oh and follow me on Twitter:**

**.com/YoinkDegrassi**

**(;**

**Thanks for readingggg and whatnottt. (;**


	2. Chapter 2

Love.

Those blue eyes.

That's the only connection I can make with love:

Clare Edwards.

As much as I hate what happened between us, I still love her.

I still love her, a year later.

I love the way her hair bounces into those beautiful curls naturally.

I love the way she blushes, even at the slightest eye contact.

I love the way she is so shy, but can be so bold.

Why can't she understand?

I still need her.

I see how much I broke her.

I plaster on a smile, praying that she'll come to me one day, begging me to take her back.

I want her back.

More than anything in the world.

To see her everyday at school... It just hurts.

I miss her more than I miss Julia.

I want her back...

No.

I _need_ her back.

I never read books about love. I never watched movies about it. I've never listened to songs about it.

I guess you can say that I didn't understand love.

Until I met Clare.

I thought I loved Julia, but I seriously did not know what love was until I met Clare.

I want her back more than anything in the world.

I don't want to be the one to break the barrier between us.

I know she wants me to but I can't.

Love.

Love killed my girlfriend.

Love broke my fucking heart.

Over.

And over.

And over.

I don't want to live.

Everyday I sit in my room, hoping that today I'll get the courage to talk to her.

But I don't.

When I get home, I hate myself.

I don't care about myself.

I only care about hurting her.

I didn't cry when Julia died.

But, I've cried every night since Clare and I broke up.

I'm a mess.

Please come back to me, Clare.

Please.

I know I messed up.

Now, I know that all I need is you.

I don't even remember what you did that was so bad.

I don't know why we broke up.

Clare, I still love you with all my broken heart.

Please come back.

Love.

I love the way her blue eyes look into my green ones.

I love the way that the world seemed to stop whenever we held hands.

I love the way that she was her and I was me and, for some reason, we went together in all the right ways.

I love the way that we were proof that opposites attract.

And now, look where we are, Clare.

I still love you.

There's nothing in the world that could change that.

I love everything about you.

I love the way you twist your ring around your finger.

I love the way you bite your nails when you're nervous.

I love the way you turn that beautiful shade of scarlet when I used to tell you I loved you.

I love the way your blue eyes light up, even now, when you see me walk in the room.

I love every little detail about you, Clare.

I'm missing a part of me now.

I'm lost without you, Blue Eyes.

I still love you, Clare.

Love...

Is Clare Diana Edwards.


End file.
